Inevitable Idiocracy

April 23rd, 2008 (3:37 pm)

cRiPEs… Would this dumb civilization just hurry up and come crashing down around us already? Faster! Watching every step in the process is becoming too goddamn painful… albeit kind of funny in a sad, pathetic way, too.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHJhVBemBmA

I mean, really… the WWE, people? Retards. All of you. Just retards. Well, wait a second; maybe not quite everyone… but, isn’t it comforting to know that fans of poorly scripted, softcore-gay-porn soap operas must make up enough voters that America’s presidential candidates actually felt this ridiculousness was worth it?

So, yeah, go ahead… vote, you morons! Please, please, pleeease… I’m begging you! Do your part to bring this on…


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QiELJMjeBU

Dan Aykroyd In My Belly

April 18th, 2008 (6:25 pm)

cabernet-merlot.jpgIn my measly, seven years of drinking, I never really drank wine and don’t know a damn thing about it except that, thanks to Angus Oblong, I grew to like the red stuff after it kept me pickled for most of 2007. Now it’s magically become all I buy at the liquor store anymore. However, aside from the dry, pucker-up-your-cheeks shit, it’s all just wine to me. I can’t be bothered to even look at the labels. I just scan the tags on the shelf, looking for a buzz that will give me change on ten dollars. But, a couple weeks ago I got bored of choosing between the same three cheapos and I splurged on something a little more expensive. Not too much, though! I mean, to me, it just makes good sense to stay under twenty bucks with wine. Beyond that, I’d sooner grab a bottle of Jim Beam and write off the weekend with some attitude.

Not knowing the difference from one bottle to the next, I wandered the aisles for a bit and ended up indulging Dan Aykroyd’s ego by buying a bottle of his wine; a Cabernet Merlot, whatever that is. I didn’t settle on his brand because I’m a fan of his, but, instead, because I vaguely recalled hearing something about the guy being arrested for driving a golf cart drunk in the streets somewhere… and that’s the kind of man I can respect. I thought, maybe he was hammered on this wine of his! So, in the hopes of it leading me to a similar adventure, I bought it, drank it and, well… no such luck. Nonetheless, the point is it’s the best goddamn wine I’ve ever tasted! I just got a second bottle today, which I’m pretty sure means that by the end of the weekend I will have seen more bottoms of Dan Aykroyd’s wine bottles than I have his movies. It probably means I should venture beyond the ten dollar range a little more often, too.

Oh, yeah… and it turns out it wasn’t Dan Aykroyd in the golf cart. It was Bill Murray. I think my confusion implies that Ghostbusters is the movie I’ve seen, right?