Today I realized I’m thirty-one. I’m so dumb that when the thought struck me, I actually used a calculator to verify that I am in fact not thirty-two and don’t turn thirty-two until spring. I do my birthday alone and never pay much attention to it, so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, but still… I’ve been saying I’m thirty-two for a while.

Retard.

I’m banking on thirty-three. Maybe I’m in a hurry?